Dear Matzah,
What the fuck? I don't understand you and your unleavened ways. For one week every year, I depend on you as a source of carbohydrates, yet I can't stand you. Let me preface all of this by saying that I don't mean to offend you or anyone tied to the Matzah industry for that matter. I'm just speaking my mind.
From a money-making stand point, I think you're a great idea. Leave it to the Jews to market a product that is actually crap and sell it rather successfully. In other words, because Jewish people are unable to eat bread during Passover, they are essentially forced to eat you... you awful binding cracker look-a-like.
I will say, however, that you are somewhat special. Cover you in some country crock, a little cream cheese, or maybe some peanut butter and BAM, you are a gourmet masterpiece! To the common taste bud, a snack like this might taste, well, like cardboard. But to the bread-less Jew, you have the potential to achieve greatness. Last night, for example, I whipped up some matzah lasagna. Between layers of matzah (which when baked obtain the consistency of typical lasagna pasta), I placed a fair amount of ricotta, parmesan, and fresh mozzarella cheeses. I cut up some broccoli, zucchini, mushrooms, and onions and threw them in the mix, as well. I topped the whole concoction off with some tomato sauce, baked it for about 25 minutes at 350 and voila...a delightful italian dinner infused with the most boring, unappetizing bread substitute known to man.
All in all, I do want to thank you for allowing me to broaden my culinary horizons. You enable my imagination and truly let me explore a world that, unfortunately, I must experience every year. As the 2010 Passover season comes to end, I hope you enjoy your final days in the spotlight and I do hope that supermarkets aren't too overwhelmed by the massive matzah surplus that they'll probably experience.
See you next year!
Love,
Matt
